I often bite myself while I eat.

It happens no matter what food I am eating, usually occuring in multiple times in a small period. I assume that any initial biting causes a swelling within the mouth, which increases the chance of being bitten in the same area. Sometimes it bleeds. When it happens I say somemthing along the lines of “oh expletive deleted” and glare around with contempt of whoever happens to be in the room. I don't really see how it could be anyone's fault, but it might well be.

Maybe I just have weird shaped teeth. I am often accused of eating too fast but I don't think its that. If I wanted to I could eat even faster, but I like food to much to eat any slower. The activity of eating requires the balancement of the force of “I might die before I eat this chicken nugget” and the opposing force of “I only have one chicken nugget left”. The first pushes me to eat faster and the second to eat slower. My exact eating speed is determined by these two forces. I guess they might not balance (?), but I wanted to use the word balancement as it sounds funny to me. For me to eat slower, and not bite myself, I'd need less food, but if I get less food I will complain. So I'm not going to eat less food or eat any slower, not that that would help anyway, seeing as my whole point is that biting myself is not due to my eating speed.

Moral: If I am eating and bite myself, don't tell me to eat slower or I will point you too this post and you will suffer in your wrongnessness.

Oh hey, I own a Dr Zoidberg bobblehead! I forgot about that. Reading this blog is cool.

Salt and Vinegar Chips

I just ate some salt and vinegar chips and now my lips have that werid “I just ate some salt and vinegar chips and now my lips feel werid” feeling. I think that it is from the salt or the vinegar. When you eat other chips like “barbecue” or “lightly salted” you don't get that feeling, hey wait you don't it from lightly salted either so it must be from the vinegar, or from some combination of vinegar, salt, chips and whatever else is in chips. I figured that shit out while I was typing meaning my detective skills are even greater than that time Data dressed up as Sherlock Holmes to solve mysteries on the holodeck. Why don't they ever run into the walls when they are in there? The floor must be a big conveyor belt or something.




Why are salt and vinegar chips always purple? Who decided that? I have never seen a salt and vinegar chip packet that was colour different from purple. The chips aren't even purple! They are kind of a yellowy colour. I think a new scheme with darking shades of grey relating to how good the chips taste would be much better then the arbitrary one used today. Chicken chips will come with added poison to erase all people who like them from the gene-pool.

Scribblenauts

So I purchased this game for DS called Scribblenauts yesters. You have to write words, then whatever you wrote comes to appears and you use whatever you make to collect a star and beat the level! To use some 90's lingo, the gam is "rad". I played for six hours yesterday and another today already (it's morning now) and will play some more latter. You can do stuff like:

• Make an economist, give them a shotgun, make a liger, then they fight.
• Create a tux, tophat and pennyfarthing and ride it around.
• Get a sloth, glue a propellor to its head and fly around on it's back.
• Make a geographer get mauled by a pack of wolves

It's fun!

Marvel!

I purchased this game called Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 (MUA2). It is, to use a 90's adjective, rad. I've been reading comics on and off pretty much since before I could read but haven't really for the last six years or so. I'll occasionaly see some comic related movie and want to start collecting them again, but then remember how desperatly poor and handsome I am and think the better of it. Anyway...

MUA2 is rad, like you can be thor and smash shit up with your hammer, then switch to spiderman and web stuff, then change to gambit and throw cards at people, laser things as iron man, etc etc. Total nerdgasm type stuff. Zap, web, punch, smash. Words cannot describe.. well I guess they can as that is what I am trying to do here, I'm sleepy and can only think in cliches, sorry. Well not really. Ummm so yea.

It was so much fun it somehow it tricked me into subscribing to marvels digital comic service. It lets you read old comics that have been scanned on line. I've spent the weeking reading the ultimates, moon knight, ms marvel, silver surfer. It's been... good? I'm out of words, sorry. Oh yea, MUA2 doesn't have silver surfer in it, or the punisher, or magneto, so it's pretty much missing heaps of good characters. Also there are new ones in it who I had never heard of. It insults me that marvel dare invent new characters rather than use the same ones they've been using for the past 50 years.

I didn't even spellcheck this post, aren't you lucky

Final blog post

I'm stopping this blog to let me work full time with MR.CHAO WEI, Bank of China (Hongkong), which I assume is the name of the bank. In china they must give banks proper names to make them seem friendly. Also, MR.CHAO WEI, Bank of China (Hongkong) is emailing me with some kind of student account from england somewhere. I guess the financial crisis is affecting MR.CHAO WEI, Bank of China (Hongkong) so bad that he had to resort to using his old student email when he was a women named Natalie.

Anyway, I will be too busy handling my US$18,600,000.00 business with MR.CHAO WEI, Bank of China (Hongkong) to update this blog.

Goodbye for ever.

Finally after that I shall provide you with more details.

Like a Viking, touched for the very first time

I got some mead. I have never tried it before and it was at the shops so I bought some. I think it's a cool drink cause of the Vikings used to drink mead and the Vikings are pretty cool for dudes with long hair. It was originally made buy getting girls to put honey in there mouths and spit it into a bucket (or whatever the Vikings used for buckets). Then it sat there for a while and eventually turned into mead. Or so a book I may have read told me when I was little. The website of the manufactures says “It is the essence of Mead and a stand-alone fortified drink. Mead at its absolute best!”, but it didn't tell me how to drink it so I'm thinking a glass.



I think it smells like jim bean, gross. Maybe a little spicy too. It looks pretty much like any other spirit type drink. Taste is pretty weird, not too unpleasant, rather sweet and spicy. I don't know how much I could drink as it's kinda thick. (My evocative descriptions doing anything for you?) I'll probably go the pansy route and mix it with lemonade.

That first picture is maybe a little small

One whole year!

This blog has been has been around for a whole year, I feel like a proud mother. So many good times. Remember that month when I updated more than twice, good times good times. To celebrate lets play a fun game! It's called...

Romulan or Australian Politician!!!!


It's easy, simple guess which of the following are Romulans, the bad dudes from beyond the neutral zone, and which are Australian politicians, the bad dudes from Australia.

Number 1

Number 2

Number 3

Number 4

Do, do, do, do (I don't know how to write game show music but that was my attempt)

Times up.

Did you guess number 4? If so then you are correct!!!!
If not then too bad.

Number 1: Don't let the haircut fool you she is human under there, it's Senator the Hon Penny Wong, Minister for Climate Change and Water

Number 2: This is a tricky one as she is actully half Human and half Betazoid, but not Romulan. The picture is from an episode were she had to get surgically altered to look like a Romulan.

Number 3: Perhaps the hardest one to pick, but it is form Prime Minister John Howard. I know, I know, the scowl and eyebrows, but the Romulans are not evil enough to produce anythign as vile as WorkChoices.

Number 4: Is Romulan!

Well wasn't that fun.


Satire or spitefulness, you decide

Coraline

I went to see some Coraline movie in 3D at a place far away because all the movies here are too old to be able to play 3D movies. You get to wear silly glasses and get a headache, it's great. Like being drunk without the benefit of feeling like the most witty person alive. While there I found everyone's favorite decapodian in bobble-head form.



I don't really know why I have to buy stuff this. It must be some kind of deep-seeded emotional and psychological problem that manifests itself through the purchase of plastic crap based on cartoons and star wars. Plus the packet looks pretty cool, retro-futurism type stuff. The sides of the box tell us that it is "Amazingly life-like for a chunk of plastic" and that "the brain slug who controls you says to collect them all". Which of course doesn't make sense as the brainslugs in the show never actually talked to the person they controlled.



"We favor unusually large subsidies to the brain slug planet" The others seem to be Leela, Fry and Bender. At the places I looked there was no bender and the other two did not look so good. Hence the buying of only Zoidberg.


Can you even read the back? Maybe if your eyes are better than mine. It's not very funny so I wouldn't bother. Here he is out of his shell, but still in his shell (ha!).


He looks kind of cross eyed and wonky so I'm going to keep him in his box. What I really like about him is that he reminds me of my favourite Futurama episode "The Farnsworth Parabox" which includes, amongst other things a breif foray into a parrel world populated by bobble-headed poeple.

Squirrelcat lives!

I found a new species of animal that I have named the Squirrelcat (squirrelus catyus). The Squirrelcat is about the size of a squirrel and has a light grey colouration sometimes accompanied by a mottled pattern. It has the head of a kitty and a bushy ail like squirrels do in cartoons. I haven’t seen a real squirrel this week so I don’t know how realistic they are. Running along both sides are skin flaps which squirrelcats use to glide and generally make themselves hard to catch. If one is managed to be caught they often omit a purring sound, not unlike a regular cat or Simba from The Lion King. If you wish to catch a glimpse of a squirrelcat then you must only attend the dream I had a few days ago.

I went back to school shopping.

I was planning to put pictures and stuff up here from my recent back to school shopping, as school goes back in 2 days, but as I only bought some blue pens and a note book I think it is below the admittedly not very high 'interest threshold' that is in place for this site. My pencil case is broke so stuff falls out of it which is not that good for a thing which should hold things but all the ones for sale at the store I went to were crap. Whenever I get an exciting one with batman or spiderman or something they always break cause they are cheap and dodgy and the only plain ones were blue (do I look like a boy?), pink (do I look like a girl?) and purple (do I look like a girly boy?). I think not.

PC Gaming

I've just started my uni holidays and thought I'd give an oldish game another spin. I put the disc in over an hour ago and it is still installing/patching. I guess when it final runs something else wont work, so I'll have to fix that too.

I am reminded why I bought an xbox.

I invented something..

 

It’s a device for allowing me to sit around and watch cartoons all then time. Sometime there could be non cartoons, but not that often. It can also detect what kind of mood I am in so as to provide the exact thing I am after without me even thinking about it. Then I could just sit around and do nothing and that would be great.

I discovered this thing http://www.abc.net.au/iview/# the other day (click that it is a link). It has shows from the government or something and there is some good ones and lots of bad ones. My idea is basically they get rid of all the bad ones and replace them with good ones.

 

I’m so freaking smart.

The words ‘best biscuits ever’ are thrown around allot these days…

 

But I feel entirely justified in saying that I made the best biscuits ever. (I made six typos already, poor efort) I also feel entirely justified in saying it was me and me alone who made these biscuits possible. Two whole trays full.

 

As the pictures illustrate, they are the best biscuits ever.

 

They were easy to make too, ever for a regular person who isn’t as great as me. Just lollies, icing sugar, water and milk arrowroot biscuits. I know what a milk is but arrowroot? Some kind of a root I guess. One known for it’s arrow-like qualities. If I were to make a history of the arrowroot it would go something like this:

 

A long time ago, when the might tyrannosaurus rex  stomped around smashing junk, a cave man named Thesel found some root in the ground and decided it would go well with the bow he had invented that morning. Thesel fired his bow and the arrowroot hit the trex. As roots are no good weapons, the blow only annoyed the trex who preceded to fire his laser beams at Thesel. The laserbeams cooked Thesel and also there was a cow there who made some milk and then a biscuit was made somehow. The trex, being not so creative in the naming department, called the new biscuit the ‘milk arrowroot’ biscuit due to is milk and arrowroot nature. And so the story of the arrowroot is told, and you know that it is true as it was written by me.

It’s like midnight and I feel I should post something

 

Pretty self explanatory, if you read the heading anyway. I have a couple of ideas for post lined up but am not doing them now as I am lazy. One involves Star Wars toys I got a while ago and the other is about how all Australian politicians look like Romulans from Star Trek. Both involve pictures and junk that I can’t be bothered to do now. By junk I mean words, not anything to fancy. Both will be awesome, you can pretty much just imagine the most awesome thing you can, like a lion riding a.. hah! I saw the funniest thing on tv the other day. It was an olde timey bike for the ladies, in the penny farthing era but it had two little wheels on one side and a big one on the other.

 

 

Who comes up with this stuff? The olden times  were pretty funny really. What kind of thought process goes through ones head when inventing weird sideways bikes? Why not make it symmetrical unless they were trying to amuse people 200 years into the future. I guess that is a possibility. Go and invent a time machine and find out for me.

Harry Potter?! Harry Potter??!

I was in a shop the other day, and by shop I mean Target or something and by other day I mean before Christmas, and I saw this Harry Potter figure for $3.00 and bought it in order to post about.

If you can read you can see it says it’s from the order of the phoenix movie and contains a wand and a base! If you can’t read then you can’t read this anyway, so learn to read then come back. Done that? Good. I can’t remember what number this one is in the series (of books not toys) probably in the middle somewhere. I think the books started off entertaining, just chillaxing at school casting magic at junk, then got progressively longer and more dull. The later books pretty much went “Oh no the bad guy is around, oh wait now he is defeated by Harry” but for some reason they took 6000 pages to do that, rather than 20 words.

I hate clamshell packaging, so hard to open!

 

Here he is, in his whatever school uniform (I don’t know). He can barely move at all, just to kind of lift his arms slightly and twist at the waist. I can move more than that and I don’t have a billion dollar franchise based around me. I’m pretty sure I should tho. Whoever made this (Neca is what it says on the packet) defiantly didn’t skimp on the extras. The base perfectly captures the part in the movie where Harry stood on the vortex of total blackness and it is not a piece of black plastic to compensate for the inability of the figure to stand. Actually that is a lie and now I feel bad, he can stand by himself. I don’t know if you can see in the pictures but it looks like he’s doing a pursed lips, Angelina Jolie impression.

Fun times.

Star Wars: Where Science meets Imagination Episode V: The Robots Strike Back

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away...


   It is a dark time for the attendees of the “Where Science meets Imagination” exhibit. Although the first floor has been looked at, the thought of no more Star Wars junk will drive the attendees forces from the museum and negative thoughts will pursue them across the galaxy.
   Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of people who set up the exhibits led by Luke Skywalker has established a whole floor of robot stuff with nothing from the remote ice world of Hoth, as the stuff from Hoth was on the first floor.
   The evil lord Darth Vader, obsessed with finding young Skywalker,
has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of
space...

One of those probe droids apparently landed in Sydney.

The second floor was full of robots. It was better than the first because it was full of robots. I don’t seem to have as many pictures as the first floor but I think we were looking at robots for longer than not looking at robots. The floor started with some animatronics show about robots.

I always find animatronics amusing. I don’t really know why, but animatronics plus anything equals entertainment. Perhaps it’s all the out of synch, stilted movements Add in Star Wars as well and you have the foundations for a pretty good recipe.

 

 

The show was about some lady, who doesn’t get a picture cause she wasn’t even in any of the Star Wars movies (including the prequels), arguing with C3P0 that R2 was a great robot. C3P0 had a sassy comeback for everything about how R2 was always causing mischief and the like. I should have paid more attention to what he said, but it was all great, trust me. I looked on youtube to see if someone had put up a video of it, but apparently not. The lady was saying how much better than our robots R2 is, which is true. In the movies R2 serves drinks and shocks people. I have one that gives me pez and nothing else.

Here is some other stuff they had there:

Look out it’s Darth Vader! And he has bought along a Storm Trooper.

And the Storm Trooper has bought along a toy of a Clone Trooper. I think there should have been more scenes in the movie of characters playing with toys. Think about it, what’s more exciting? Laser shooty battles or carefully arranging things into little scenes and then slightly altering them. The second one for sure.

Leia, R2 and goldman.

 

Medical droid and robo-arm. This guy has other guys in just underpants hanging around in tanks, which is pretty good if you are into that kind of thing.

Destroyer droid or droideka. They call them both of those names in the movies. I think these are one of the best things in the new movies. Rolling about with force fields and lasers. The model or whatever was pretty big, it was taller than me so must have been like 2 meters tall, but you can’t really see that in the picture.

AT-ST and AT-AT, not to scale I assume.

Footprint on floor. Why is there a photo of this? It’s not very exciting. Why am I bothering to post it here?

 

 

I think that’s it from the Star Wars thing. There was a whole bunch of other junk on the robot floor as well, but I suspect it was trying to teach me stuff about the real world. To learn anything new I’d have to forget something I know now, unlucky new information, you are nothing to me.

Star Wars: Where Science meets Imagination Episode IV: The First Floor

 

About four days ago, in a museum that is like two and a half hours drive from my house...

 

A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the main title. War drums echo through the heavens as a rollup slowly crawls into infinity.

 

It is a period of time during the school holidays, when the amount of kids visiting Stars Wars related exhibitions is at a minimum. A small car, striking from my house, have travelled to a museum to view, among other things, models of ships from an evil Galactic Empire.

 

It is freaking hard to alter the script of A New Hope to fit with my trip to a star wars exhibition so I am going to stop now.

 

Ha! A wookie. The first floor the exhibition had all sorts of costumes and models from the Star Wars movie series. It was mostly stuff from the first three movies (i.e. the good ones) as the later movies had all the cool junk done by computers. The exhibition generally presented something from the movies, then tried to teach or show related stuff from real life. For example, here are some real life space ships.

Because real life is boring, I won't show you anything else from it. Seriously, just look outside. Until real life has star ships and lightsabers it is going to be boring. Here is some of the models they had there.

 

Either you know what they are, or you don't care so I won't bother naming them. I quite like models in general, for some reason "things that are smaller than the thing they are meant to be" is something I find amusing. These were no exception. The models were all behind glass so I didn't get to run around with them making pew-pew noises, which was really a great disappointment. Chipping the paintwork wouldn't bother me, as they are not even mine.

Now this things was awesome, it's the landspeeder used in the first movie, that is number four. It was made from some three wheeled English car, probably the type that followed Mr Bean around in the TV show 'Mr Bean'. They should have let me drive it around, that would have great. I would have done some shopping then complained about the lack of boot space. Even X-wings had space for your R2 unit.

Well isn't that rude... Luke has no pants and Obi Wan and C3PO have no legs. This was used to take distance shots, were apparently everyone had decided to rid themselves of pants or legs. I don't remember that part.

 

Here are some costumes:

Han and Chewie

Wampa ice creature and Snowtrooper (I went to check the internets to make sure I had the name correct and it seems someone has written 7500 words about Wampas)

Polar Explorer Steve

Mr and Mrs Tusken Raider

Jawa! I don't know wether this guy or Chewie were the best costumes on the first floor.

Darth Vader and Obi Wan

Sorry if I just spoilt the movie for you then...

Non-chewie Wookies, I don't know what their names are. Face it Wookies, if you ain't Chewie you ain't nothing!

Yoda! In puppet form I guess.

 

I had a picture of Mace Windu, but when I clicked rotate the picture disappeared so you miss out. Actually, all the Star Wars-ness has put me in a good mood.

How cool are purple light sabers? They are like blue and red combined!

There was some other junk on the first floor, but it is not as good as the stuff above. We were pretty unimpressed at the conclusion of the first floor as we didn't realise that there was a whole other floor beneath our very feet.

 

I have no idea when I first watched Star Wars, I wasn't born when the originals came out at the movies (or maybe I was for the last one). I assume it was when they were on TV sometime in the early 90's. The first time I can remember was on a rainy day at primary school, but I had seen them sometime before that. My something-th birthday party (7th? 8th?) was Star Wars themed and I came as Boba Fett. My mum helped me make a helmet, but I probably complained that it wasn't authentic to the movie. The movie one wasn't made from a tube of cardboard and Papier-mâché. Yes I looked up the pretentious spelling.

Stuff I hate

i.e. When people replace the 's' in company names with a '$'. For example, Micro$oft, $ony. See also, a small, brown panted, lemur.

 

How clever is it when people do this? I mean to move your finger slightly above the 's' key and hold the shift button, well that just deserves a gold star by itself! But to couple it with the startling insight that a company wants money in exchange for goods and services, that's just... well I'm lost for words*. I thought the menus and price lists everywhere we just joking when they asked for money. Surely $5.00 really means 5 loving hugs not 5 real dollars. What? It doesn't? Well sir I tip my bonnet to you. You have aped more from the situation then I could, deducing the when people ask for money what they really want is money! For this you will get 3 gold stars.

 

Mental note to self: Add three gold stars to moron who thinks it is witty to replace the 's' in company name's with '$' gold star tally.

 

*Not really, I can think some words. Such as the ones I just wrote. And the word hippopotamus because it is my favourite word. I could probably write the names of more animals if I wanted to. But I won't**.

**Fox, goat, cat, melon, dinosaur, dog.